"Count your blessings instead of sheep."

First of all, I'd like to thank all of you that I've talked to or received emails from this week. Hearing that this blog helps to encourage you really encourages me!

I really wish I could start off by telling you all how this week has been so much better than last week, however that's just not the case. It seemed like every time I would start to feel like I was getting my head above the fog, Satan would come in and just push me right back down in it. 

This morning during worship we were singing about how much the Lord loves us, and I honestly couldn't even make myself say the words of the song. I know in my head that God loves me, but my heart just hasn't felt it lately. No sooner had I started telling God that I just didn't believe it today, a sweet friend on the worship team started praying over the microphone for "someone here" who just didn't feel that God loved them. Thank you Lord that you hear the prayers of your people! He loves us enough to make that happen.

The student's pastor continued the series on the fruits of the spirit this week with a message on joy. It's hard to remember this at times, but I have to choose joy. When I wake up in the morning, when it seems like everyone I see is pregnant, when I see another unwed teenager pushing her four small children around in her cart at Walmart, when I hear of another drug addict choosing her poison over caring for her infant - I have to choose joy. I cannot let anger and jealousy rule my heart. I may not understand His plan, but it's just that - His plan, not mine.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8, 9 NLT)

God didn't accidentally give those girls I feel don't know what kind of gift they've been given a baby and not me. He has a perfect plan for me and the baby I long for as well as those women. In the meantime I will strive to be grateful for what I have been given. A loving husband, an amazing family, a church I love, and such awesome people standing in this time with me and continuing to pray for our coming miracle. 

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31 NLT)

Amen.