Yes? No? Maybe.

I don't know about y'all, but I absolutely hate to hear the answer "maybe" when a question is asked. It could be the pessimist in me, but when I hear "maybe", my head translates that to "no".

We got a "maybe" answer this week at our day 12 follicle check ultrasound. The tech and the doctor couldn't tell if I had a cyst on my left ovary that had collapsed or if I had just ovulated. And as exciting as that should or could have been, I was immediately upset. My mind went straight to the bad.

I know I've talked about hope in posts in the past, but it's a big enough issue to be be brought up again. In all honesty, my "hope tank" has been in need of a fill up lately. And today's message at church was a good start. The speaker brought up a great point. In the English language hope translates to most people as a desire. In the bible however, the word hope can be replaced with the word expect. The sentence "I wish, or I desire that God would give us a baby" isn't nearly as powerful as "I trust and expect God to give us a baby." My lack of hope at times is directly related to a fear that God isn't a good God who wants to give us a child. My impatience says my timing is better than God's timing. My anger screams I don't think God knows what he's doing, my way is better. It's kind of scary to think of it that way, but it's true. Surely I don't really not trust God? I want to say that it's not that way, but it is. I have put my hope in man's knowledge but forgotten how the creator of that knowledge is exceedingly greater and doesn't need man's help to provide a miracle.

The below two verses really struck me today, and I'm going to do my best over the next few weeks to remember them. If you see me and I look as though I've forgotten, please remind me. :) I'll do my best to pray the same for you!

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. (Psalm 71:14 NIV)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13 NIV)