Last month we had a follicle. My blood work showed the highest levels we'd seen since 2011. We finally actually ovulated. We prayed, we believed...and then I started. The realization that we weren't pregnant hit me a day or two before I actually started. I was picking fights with Josh and then crying because we couldn't make a decision about what we were going to do that day (stupid, I know), and that's when it hit me. Emotional=PMS=starting soon=no baby again this month.
The new medication had done its job, but still no baby. In all honesty, I had a bad attitude most of last week about it. My prayer times in the morning mostly consisted of me trying to pray and hear His voice, but would quickly turn into me yelling at God for forgetting me once again.
Being raised the way I was, I know all the right answers to those emotions. God is in control, His timing is perfect, He loves me and wants to do what's best for me, etc. But in the midst of it all, that's just not the way it feels. This sounds terrible, but I completely understand Sarah laughing to herself when she heard of God's promise to give she and Abraham a son within the year. I've definitely been to that point. Thankfully I'm not ninety like she was, but the attitude is the same. I don't want to remain in that attitude. I want to keep believing and expecting God to keep His promises to Josh and I. I know He will. I may not be completely convinced of it today, but I'm trying to get there again.
We are doing things a bit differently this month as far as meds and appointments go. I know many of you already are, but please keep Josh and I in your prayers as we try to be obedient to what we feel God has asked us to do. And whether we get pregnant this way or it's just a sign of obedience, please pray that our/my attitude will be right. Thank you for your prayers!
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